I was in Manhattan two weeks ago when I walked by The Friends Experience, a museum of all things “Friends,” if you think such a place can genuinely earn the title of “museum.” I didn’t know this museum existed, let alone that it had multiple locations across the United States. People on 23rd Street were in line for this s—t, too. The pandemic was ending and somewhere out there a number of people existed whose first priority, when freed from the shackles of quarantine, was to walk around a goddamn replica of the Central Perk set, which itself was never a real coffee shop. Did I look down on these people? Oh, you know I did. Did I myself watch “Friends” religiously during its first season? Oh, you know I did that, too.
So I have no real right to sneer at people who are horny to go live inside one of the last dominant sitcoms. The entertainment options since “Friends” went off the air have become so diffuse — especially in terms of comedy, where virtually all slapstick has been commandeered by real people doing hilarious s—t of their own—that there will never be another series that occupies the “Friends”/“Seinfeld”/“Cheers” territory where tens of millions of Americans not only watch a network sitcom in its designated time slot, but plan their whole goddamn NIGHT around it.
That’s never happening again, which is how you end up with a “Friends” museum occupying precious New York real estate where an actual, good coffee shop could exist. It’s also how HBO ended up paying $425 million for the rights to air “Friends” exclusively on HBO Max, and why it paid all six cast members $2.5 million each for a reunion episode to help goose awareness for the latest addition to their streaming catalog.
It’s also why I, no stranger to taking pop culture bullets for this website, agreed to watch that reunion special in full. All 105 f—king minutes of it. Now you might say, “Holy hell, how is it that long?” I’m glad you asked, because I have answers to that, plus a few other things.
The cast of the show "Friends" reunited for a special on HBO Max.
Terence PatrickSeriously, why is it so long?
HBO isn’t gonna dole out $15 million to David Schwimmer, Jennifer Aniston, Matthew Perry, Lisa Kudrow, Courteney Cox and Matt LeBlanc just for a piddly s—t 22 minutes' worth of content. Not a chance. This was an occasion that demanded a light hand in the editing room, and brother was it ever light.
So it was like a really long, boring episode of the show itself?
Nope. They didn’t actually film a new episode for this.
What the f—k?
I know, right? Instead, the “Friends” reunion special really is just that. It wasn’t like the “Parks & Recreation” quarantine reunion, where everyone was in character for a new — and shockingly clever — episode of that show shot entirely on Zoom. For “Friends,” all they did was get the cast together again. In LA. Where they all presumably already live. If you’re to believe the opening titles, this reunion represented only the second time since the show went off the air that Schwimmer, LeBlanc, Aniston, Kurdow, Perry and Cox have all been in the same room together.
Do you believe that?
F—k no, I don’t.
Do the cast members all cry when they see each other for the first second time?
Yes.
Do you see actual, liquid tears falling down their cheeks when they do so?
Nope. Botox has its disadvantages. They also tell each other they smell good. More than once. I believed them. When you’re that famous, you inevitably end up smelling godly.
The cast of "Friends" reunited on HBO Max.
Terence PatrickSo if this reunion wasn’t an actual episode of the show, what exactly was it?
I’m still trying to sort that out. It’s a breezy hour-plus, because “Friends” was always engineered for maximum breeziness. This time around, you get a smooth gang bang of the titular friends greeting each other on the old (rebuilt) set, intercut with table reads of classic scenes, James Corden presiding over an “Inside The Actors Studio”-style roundtable in front of a live, masked audience. Also, there’s cameos from stars like Justin Bieber (wearing Ross’ iconic-depending-on-who-you-are Spudnik outfit), soft documentary work, clips, bloopers (which are actually entertaining because the cast is there to provide background for each f—kup) and testimony from famous fans of the show about when “Friends” MEANT to them. It was like watching an award show, which makes its running time downright crisp if you look at it that way.
Who are some of the famous fans that showed up?
Well, there’s Malala.
That Malala? Really?
Yep.
I bet Mindy Kaling shows up, too.
She does.
Which cast member looks the best after all these years?
Aniston, which is not exactly an upset. As for who looked the worst, Matthew Perry wasn’t looking so dapper, although he had emergency dentistry before taping as an excuse, along with a history of substance abuse that would leave pretty much anyone with extra mileage on them. Also, Matt LeBlanc is fat now. He even makes a crack about it during the proceedings.
Lisa Kudrow and Lady Gaga perform "Smelly Cat."
Terence PatrickDid you learn anything from this special at all?
I did. I learned, from Schwimmer, that he despised Marcel the monkey because Marcel couldn’t hit his marks in critical scenes. Turns out monkeys can’t act. Also, there are three seemingly genuine moments to be had. And you gotta really keep an eye out for them, because you know that what you’re really watching is an infomercial for a hideously expensive IP acquisition. The first one is LeBlanc explaining, in extremely logical and human terms, why he can’t watch himself on television, not even after decades as a successful TV actor. The second is Lisa Kudrow doing a rendition of Phoebe’s “Smelly Cat” song before Lady Gaga comes out to a chorus of hooting and hollering and performs the song with her usually Gaga-ness, capped off by a backing choir. When Gaga finishes, Kudrow jokes that she liked her own version more. And you know what? She’s RIGHT. I don’t want a funny song performed as if it’s a serious one. That ruins it. Kudrow is lightly ribbing Gaga, but I know damn well she means that s—t when she says it.
For her part, Gaga tells Kudrow that Phoebe taught her it was OK to be weird.
And then there’s the moment that Perry, no stranger to vulnerability, admits to freaking out anytime one of his lines didn’t get a laugh from the studio audience. Again, all too human.
I do believe you’re missing something.
Ah yes, there’s also the moment where (I should really say “The One Where”) Schwimmer and Aniston admit to the crowd that they were into each other that first season and nearly boned but didn’t.
Do you believe they didn’t do it?
I do not. I’m not a moron. Schwimmer and Aniston claim that they never hooked up because one of them was always in a relationship. Given that every actor in history has f—ked every other actor in history, that excuse is flimsier than the set they worked on. And if David Schwimmer really DID pass up the chance to have sex with Jennifer Aniston, then he’s even dumber than Ross was.
And this revelation was probably as carefully staged and meticulously planned as a Mars rover launch.
Yeah. There’s no way that James Corden was allowed to ask the group, “So, did any of you bone?” without first getting clearance from a battalion of attorneys, agents, managers, family members and assorted U.S. senators. The whole Aniston/Schwimmer thing-that-allegedly-wasn’t-a-thing is the main draw of this special. In the screener instructions, Warner explicitly demanded critics like me not give it away prior to the review embargo. They knew what they had in the can.
Are the words Brad and Pitt mentioned to Aniston on the special?
One time. They don’t linger very long on it.
David Schwimmer in the "Friends: Reunion."
Terence PatrickWe all know none of the characters could afford to live in an apartment that nice. How much would that apartment cost in 2021?
$58 million. It would be owned by a Russian oligarch who leaves it vacant 51 weeks a year.
Does the cast talk about how badly some of the show’s jokes have aged?
What do you think, buster? They did not.
Do they instead play a solemn, stripped-down version of “I’ll Be There For You” at the end to tug on the ol’ heartstrings?
Once again, you know the answer.
Did Courteney Cox really tape her lines to a table on the set so she wouldn’t forget them?
Apparently. It’s the smart move. Maybe in later years she threw her weight around and strong-armed an upgrade to Johnny Depp’s earpiece.
Is there swearing?
There are a handful of f—ks on the special that get bleeped. But the two s—ts do not. AND YOU CALL YOURSELVES HBO. If HBO had been really true to itself, the special would have included Monica and Ross doing it, Lannister-style.
Is there unearthed footage of LeBlanc accidentally dislocating his shoulder on the set?
There is. It’s not as dramatic as Harrison Ford nearly losing his leg on “The Force Awakens” set, but it’ll do. LeBlanc, in general, is the most charming element of the special. He’s the one most likely to be having an actual good time being there. The rest probably all hate each other.
Rank them!
Rank the Friends?
Yeah!
Do you mean the characters, or the actors? Because I only watched the show back in the day to drool over Aniston.
The cast of the show "Friends" reunited for a special on HBO Max.
Terence PatrickThe characters! Rank the characters so we can yell at you for them!
Okay. Let’s do it.
1. Chandler
2. Phoebe
3. Rachel
4. Ross
5. Monica
6. Joey
There. Yell away.
Did watching this make you feel old?
It sure did, but the whole point of the “Friends” reunion was to bask in all of its dated ’90s charm. Big shirts. Even bigger jackets. Meticulously tousled hairstyles. Coffeehouse music not only being tolerated but enjoyed. Clips of well-executed slapstick comedy, the kind that simply doesn’t appear in movies and TV shows anymore. I liked slapstick. I miss it.
Then again, you get old and learn that some things are better off missed. When Corden asks the cast about the possibility of doing a new episode of the show or a “Friends” movie (was THIS not the goddamn time?), Kudrow calmly explains that the show ended when it did and trying to continue the story would just undo all the thought and care, not to mention WORK, that went into wrapping up the character arcs properly the first time around. And she’s right. Stories are never allowed to die anymore. The audience is never left wanting more. So this time, it’s nice to know that the cast and the creators of “Friends” are happy to let the show remain an artifact of the past. Until HBO reboots it. And moves it to Philly.
Was this Must See TV?
No, but what is anymore?
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